I received the best advice I think I've ever been given the other day, and I've been mulling it over since then. Now, I don't want to put down all of the other advice I've been given over the years, and the Lord knows there's been a lot of it, but this bit of advice just hit me. It hit me profoundly and irrefutably.
I was having a regular old online conversation with a friend of mine, and we got to talking about some things, and I fired a little bit of moral and emotional support her way. She in turn sent some back my way. I like to think what I said to her helped, but I know that what she said broke through to me. Hard.
She told me to “stop looking for myself in other people.” I know this can be taken a couple of ways, but I don't think she meant it as “stop looking for the qualities you possess in other people.” I think that she meant I should stop trying to find myself, and who I am, by attaching myself to other people and emulating their qualities, and, perhaps more so, depending on them to define who I am.
I never realized it until then, but she's right; that's how I've always behaved. I've always needed someone else to define who I am, and what my wants and needs are. I've always needed someone else to be the center of my life, instead of my life being about ME. I don't intend to be selfish, because that's not who I am, but I do intend to focus more on what I need and want, and to define myself. I won't let anyone else define me anymore.
Thank you, for helping me see this. You know who you are, and know that you've earned yourself my eternal gratitude and friendship. You understand me, perhaps better than I understand myself. I believe that right now, that's the greatest blessing I could ever be given.
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